2006-11-10 Fri
じゅんじゅんとは幼馴染だ。お神酒徳利の相手で、趣味の世界オタク活動はじゅんじゅん抜きには語れない。
■スポンサードリンク■
彼女は実はとても変わった人なのだけど、そこは今回置いておくとして、
本日14歳の頃から37歳になる今まで2人であたり前と思っていたことが実は当たり前のことじゃなかったと気がついた。
あんまりびっくりしたから、書いておく。
おねいちゃんからのアドバイスで冬は行かないことになったんだけど、
その件とかおねいちゃんとちぃさまにお世話になるんだと報告したら、
じゅんじゅんが「じゃお礼しないとね。ビーズ作るね色は何がいいかな」と言った。
わたしも普通に「そうだねぇ何がいいかなぁお礼しないと」
と言った。
でもよく考えると、わたしが活動しているオタク活動で、わたしが取ってるスペで、
じゅんじゅんがお礼をするのはへんてこだ。
わたしがするのが本当(わたしもするけど)
でも素でじゅんじゅんはお礼しなくてはっと思っていて、
わたしも素でじゅんじゅんがお礼するのが当たり前と思っていた。
ここで気がついたんだけど、実はわたしとじゅんじゅんはオタク活動では共依存の関係にある。
わたしの活動のフォローは全て事務方含めじゅんじゅんがすると決まっているのだ。
そしてじゅんじゅんもそう決まっているから疑問も持たずにそう思っている。
なので、自分が参加できないことをとても心苦しく思っているし、
わたしもじゅんじゅんがいないと失敗したらどうしようと切なく不安なのだ。
もうずっと一緒に参加できていない(涙)
じゅんじゅんは今回のことで、自分がそばにいなかったから、よよちゃんいろいろうっかり巻き込まれたよなぁとどっかで思っているし、
わたしもじゅんじゅんに冷静に見守ってもらえなかったからやっぱり失敗したよとどっかで思っている。
あらら共依存だわ。
ちょっと普通じゃないよなぁ。
気がついたのでじゅんじゅんにこの発見を話してみたらじゅんじゅんも本当だぁとびっくりしていた。
(でもお互いこの関係は変える気はない。だって14歳からの刷り込みそう変われない)
「やっぱり甘えただけどじゅんじゅんがいないとお金の計算もあったためしないよ。忘れ物も多いしさ」
「ほんとうだよねぇわたしも行きたいよ。でもがんばるんだよ」
(毎回手順とか書いてくれる)
本当にへんてこな関係なんだけど、
スペを取るのも、本を作るのもわたしでも、お金の計算とか、搬入の準備とか、通販とか、献本の確認とか受付の確認とか、
隣接者さんへの気配りとか、気をつける必要のある人とか
お土産の用意とかお昼の手配とか全部じゅんじゅんの担当だったのだ。
(変なんだけど変じゃなかったんだ2人の間ではっ学生の頃まではじゅんじゅんのお母さんがわたしの分もおにぎり握ってくれていた)
不思議だぁ。
気がついたから、じゅんじゅんに感謝してみた。
「今頃気がつくのもなんなんだけど、ありがとう。すごく感謝してることにも気がつかないくらい感謝しているよ」
じゅんじゅんも大笑いしていた。
いつか2人でミケで一緒に座るのが今の互いの夢だ。
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